Parents should not abdicate their role in effective parent-youth communication

As the debate rages on as to whether or not to provide children with contraceptives, it’s good for parents to have a reflection on their roles. One of the proposals in the law is that provision of reproductive health services to this group does not necessarily require parental consent.

This could have been in recognition of the fact that parents have currently abdicated their role as counsellors. Cohesion of the family as the basic social unit has been broken down by the hustles and bustles of modern life.

Parents talking to their young ones on issues of life

A common saying that “charity begins at home” underscores the importance of parents in educating the younger generation. If effectively practised, it involves effective communication between parents and youths and entails the process of planning and having focused thematic and honest discussions with them on topical issues ranging from youth development, sex and sexuality, hormonal changes and life skills development. 

This is however not the real case as parents are too busy making ends meet and thus leaving the children to their care givers. It used to be well carried out in the past African setting where grand fathers and grandmothers played a noble role. Girls would sit around hearths in the evenings with their grannies to get educated on the importance of growing up into responsible adulthood; how to become effective wives and parents; and how to prepare good meals among other important life skills.

Boys on the other hand would be taught on the importance of providing for the family as men, leadership, relationships and even on their sexuality during the transition period to manhood. Initiation periods played a big role as these two groups would be excluded from the rest of the society for some period just for the informal learning. Girls and boys would mingle freely and even dance together as Ngugi presents in The River Between but there would be no cause for alarm over irresponsible behaviour because these youths had been taught effectively and they knew well where their boundaries lay. 

In the current set up, a lot of problems facing even adults can be attributed to lack of parent-youth communication. How do you expect one to be a good parent when in their lives they never witnessed good parenting and were in no way taught anything of the sort? Currently, children in their developmental stages even date their cousins, committing incest, but view it as normal. Others get hooked up to drugs and pornography leading to contraction of STDs, as some get pregnant and end up procuring unsafe abortions. Once they fall into these problems, it is the same parents who fail to provide the way that castigate them for the wayward behaviour.

Communication between parents and the youth mostly fail because most parents lack proper communication skills-most of them don’t know how and what to say when it comes to talking about sex and sexuality. Cultural values also inhibit communication since sex issues are viewed as being immoraland not be talked about openly. Distant parenting also makes parents to neglect responsibilities. Children are thus left to teachers in schools and caregivers. Other contributors include spiritual views where talking about sex and hormonal changes among young people is seen as sin before God; and peer pressure mostly by young people who cultivate the mentality amongst themselves that parents don’t know anything good and therefore cannot guide them on anything.

Parents therefore need to be friendly to their children by using language that gives room for open discussions. They also need to educate them on developmental issues and various changes as early as possible and depending on levels of understanding and maturity. When children become so inquisitive, parents should answer their questions satisfactorily so that they don’t seek answers elsewhere. Reading books that give accurate and real information on parenting skills will help them handle challenges affecting teenagers effectively. Above all, it’s good to show understanding and appreciate the physiological changes such as mood swings that go through these young people as they develop.

Establishing proper communication in our modern set-up could go a long way in creating good relationships between young people and their parents thereby making them free to talk and share the different challenges they are go through. Young people will also be able to make informed decisions because they acquire a lot of knowledge.